The Eye of the Bedlam Bride — Chapter no 58

[ 58 ]

ENTERING HAVANA.

Crunch.

The spider automaton crushed under my weight as I teleported atop it.

The other three spiders—two regular and one painted red—scattered away.

Samantha was true to her word—for once—and the fourth spider remained inside of her. I unsummoned the xistera extension still at the end of my hand, and Samantha blinked and reappeared right next to me, having been teleported only a few feet.

A bolt of lightning shot out the front of the capitol building, crashing through the door. Glass shattered, pouring down the stairs.

I looked about, searching for zombies or demons. I didn’t see anything, but smoke rose from several places in the city. Many buildings were on fire.

A distant screeching filled the air, followed by multiple crashes. There was nothing here, though, and that was good.

Combat Started.

Donut: WE ARE FIGHTING THE DUENDES. MONGO IS EATING THE ONES WHO GET CLOSE. THERE WAS ONE NAMED CARLOS. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT THE TOTEMS. I HAVE JOLA AND SKYLER SPINACH IN MY HAND NOW. I’M WAITING TO SUMMON THEM.

Carl: Okay. We’re here. I’m rushing in now.

I looked at the red automaton. I didn’t want to risk anyone hitting that one yet. It was an emergency Loop-De-Loop, meaning if someone touched it, they would switch places with Donut. At Donut’s trap skill level of three, she could only program it to hit fellow crawlers, but she’d been able to set it so it

was only crawlers not in her party. That meant I couldn’t trigger it, but because her trap skill was so low, if I or anybody else—mobs or NPCs—did touch the trigger plate, it would immediately misfire. I didn’t like Donut being separated from me, and this was our fastest option to get her back to me in a pinch. The second option was to throw Samantha and have her bite down, but until I perfected my aim, that was also risky.

Using the Loop-De-Loop, I’d have to hit another crawler with the trap.

This was one of Lucia Mar’s favorite traps, though I suspected her trap skill was so high, she could turn them off and on from afar, controlling them like gate locks.

I looked down at the red robot spider. Thanks to my upgraded table, these things actually listened to voice commands now. “You, stay here and stay hidden. You other two, follow me upstairs but stay outside. Samantha, on me.” The two spiders clicked and followed.

The red spider buzzed and lowered to the ground, pressing itself against the wall. A memory ghost walked by, and his pants got stuck on the spider, covering it up. My heart skipped, but thankfully it didn’t misfire.

I downed an invisibility potion. We rushed across the street and moved up the stairs moving toward the broken door. The whoosh of Tserendolgor’s flame thrower went off, followed by an unholy screeching and a wave of heat. Even in a card battle, I knew she could still use the thing. The ground rumbled.

A screaming, flaming pox slug rushed out the door. The level 11 slug was about as tall as my knees. It had green, spiked hair atop its flaming head. The strange monster ignored us as it tumbled down the stairs, the flames overwhelming it. It splatted at the bottom of the steps and stopped, its flesh bubbling.

“Oh, boy,” Samantha said, looking down at the still-flaming corpse. “This party looks like it’s gonna be a fun one.” She looked up at me. “Carl, where are you?”

“I’m right here. I’m invisible, now shush,” I said, moving to the side of the door, peering in. I tried to take it all in as quickly as possible.

This was the room it had all started in. It seemed so long ago Donut and I popped into this room on the first day of the eighth floor. It had seemed so tranquil back then, but now everything was on fire. Chaos reigned as Ren and Quan fought.

We wouldn’t get added to this particular fight because Donut had to be in

range. She was in the middle of her own fight far away. She chose to use her card deck for that match, which meant she could summon her totems as long as the battle with the duendes was still active. Donut remained safe, but, using the teleport traps, I could bring her summoned totems to me.

That meant—at least I hoped that meant—that Quan couldn’t use his snare cards on our totems. And more importantly, our totems could attack Quan directly without having to worry about first dispatching his own totems.

It was an exploit. Actually, it was more than an exploit. It was a chickenshit move. I didn’t care. We just needed to get through this before they patched it.

I prepared a sticky hob-lobber.

Quan was there, his back to me, high up against the ceiling, screaming something I couldn’t make out. As I watched, he cried out in pain as another slug slurped out of him, plummeting to the ground. The level-12 slug hit the tiled floor and groaned in pain before pulling itself up. This one was female, and she had clown makeup and weird, wispy pigtails on the side of her slug head.

Quan had summoned that turtle thing again, and it sat there in the middle of the room. There was some sort of low-level pig thing summoned, too.

Meanwhile, Ren stood with her back to the door to the exit stairwell, flamethrower in her hands, and she was waving it back and forth. The Chuluuna guy was next to her. The large, Mongolian man was a hulking presence. He appeared to be in the middle of casting something. Garret, her pet Tummy Acher, stood on her other side, even bigger than Chuluuna. The pet was also a damage tank, and it could swallow just about anything whole.

It giggled as Ren torched the room.

The third member of her squad, Khulan, wasn’t here at all. She still hadn’t returned from being teleported away. With the zombies and demons everywhere, I knew she had a dangerous path back here.

Ren’s squad had some tall, hairy totem summoned, standing in front of them. Ren’s flamethrower went right through it, not hurting it at all as it stalked toward the turtle. I could also see that Ren had taken our warning about Quan’s tactics to heart. She had a mystic card summoned, facing outward. It was preventing Quan from looking at her hand or forcing discards.

I moved to throw the hob-lobber up at Quan, but I paused as a set of new

notifications rolled in.

Area Message:

The Madre de Aguas has succumbed to her zombism curse. She has fallen and risen again. But the curse has left her vulnerable, and a major demon has involuntarily slipped into the realm. Amayon has arrived.

Beware, all. Beware.

Hell has come to burn the world.

Several miles to the west, a gout of flame burst into the sky, followed by a scream that shook the ground.

Amayon has made an appearance in the realm.

You are in the presence of a Demon Prince of Sheol. The Scavenger’s Daughter has opened her eyes. She fills with dark power.

Temporary effect: All Your Fire Spells Utilize Sheol Fire instead of

regular fire.

New Achievement! Holy Hell!

You are in the presence of Sheol Royalty! I’m very excited about this.

You leaky little meatbags are always dying off so early, plus the rich pricks in the Ascendency are just so boring, and we never get to play with the under-the-counter toys, if you know what I’m saying. Do you know how long it’s been since one of my kind has been able to pull one of these dudes out of mothballs? Like FOREVER. Which, incidentally, is how long your soul will burn if you manage to get killed by him.

Reward: You’ve received a Platinum To Hell in a Handbasket Box!

“Uh, Samantha,” I whispered, pausing. “Who is Amayon?”

“Oh, is he here? You know the four crown princes of Sheol? The oldest brother calls himself the King even though his mommy is in charge? The ladies in the harem thought I had banged him when I was talking about someone else? Ew, as if. Amayon is that guy’s brother. He’s the youngest one I think. I’ve never met him. At least not face-to-face. We didn’t have much to do with the down-there guys, if you know what I’m saying. We all mixed together in the Nothing, but he wasn’t in there. He likes to set things on fire. Kinda like Emberus, actually. They don’t like each other.”

Quest Update. Find out who killed my son.

You have a rare opportunity to question Amayon, one of the four princes of Sheol as to who murdered my son, Geyrun. He may have some insight into the matter. Do not allow this opportunity to go to waste.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hiss-whispered as a second, deeper bellow filled the air. A distant explosion rocked the earth.

Donut: CARL, ARE YOU DOING THAT OR IS IT THE DEMON?

Imani: What is going on out there?

I started to send a response but I had to hit the ground as a Chain Lightning spell shot forth from Chuluuna. It hit the turtle, the pig, the slug— which exploded, and Quan. Several branches shot out in other directions, including out the door. It arced right over my head.

Quan’s cloak absorbed the attack, and he was unharmed. Both the turtle and the pig fell over, almost dead as Quan tossed out a Mass Heal card. He summoned a third totem. It was a level-10 rabbit that hit the ground with a peep. It didn’t have any sort of entrance sequence other than an explosion with the words Yeah. It’s a Rabbit floating over it.

At the same moment, Ren tossed out another totem of her own. This was a big one.

The ground began to rumble anew as red, yellow, and blue streamers exploded through the air. Holographic dirt showered everywhere. A horn fanfare played.

Carl: Donut. Send them in. Who do you got?

Donut: I WILL COMBINE LAZARUS WITH SKYLER AND THEN SEND JOLA. I’LL PUT A TIME EXTEND ON BOTH. IT’S THE BEST I CAN DO WITH MY CURRENT HAND. HERE THEY COME.

“Okay, Samantha, if this doesn’t kill him, I want you to go fuck up that one-armed guy floating there. I need you to distract him as much as possible because he’s about to be pissed.” I turned to the two spiders and whispered, “Inside! Inside!” The spiders beeped and moved into the room, each following along the inside wall and toward a corner, trying to stay out of sight.

Quan started to play another card as I tossed the sticky hob-lobber up at him. It splotched against the back of his head and detonated. He cried out and flipped, angling downward and crashing heavily to the ground. That would’ve one-shotted pretty much anyone, but he had multiple shields going.

He was disoriented but otherwise unhurt. His shield spell that had protected him was now in the red. We had to keep pressing him or the shield would refill. He cried again as another, bigger slug slurped out of him, coming from underneath his cloak. This one was already dead, having been hurt in the blast.

“Not so fast, you one-armed bitch!” Samantha shrieked, flying toward him. She landed on his shoulder and chomped down.

At the same moment, Ren’s newest totem emerged, coming up out of the ground, showering floor tiles everywhere.

Wriggle, Writhe, Repeat! It’s the monster you can’t defeat! It’s Basquiat, The Mongolian Death Worm!

The worm was like a bus-sized version of one of those sand worms from the Dune books and movies. The beige, fleshy worm featured three face flaps that opened like a flower, revealing circles of sharp teeth. The thing was big enough to swallow me whole. It opened its weird mouth and roared as the confetti exploded all around it.

Ren tossed another card onto the worm. A glowing consumable.

Temporary Immortality!

“You’re fucked, now!” Chuluuna shouted.

Garret cackled with laughter as the worm moved toward the rabbit.

Everything froze as Quan finally let go of his latest card. The card rose into the air, spinning before it exploded, meaning it was a consumable.

Toss-Up! Three for two!

The icons over all five of the active totems flashed and switched. The rabbit, pig, and turtle were suddenly on Ren’s team, and the hairy ghost thing and the Mongolian Death Worm were now flying Quan’s flag.

“Oh, shit!” Ren called, pulling her flamethrower back up as the hairy ghost fell onto Chuluuna. The ghost had a blinking notification over it. It was about to time out. The worm continued toward the rabbit, gobbling it up as it passed through the ground, disappearing, the sound like that of a train whipping by. It appeared again as it burst up through the tile floor and into the air, consuming the turtle, and then taking out the pig, all in a single gulp.

All three of Quan’s former totems were consumed in seconds.

Quan, still disoriented from the blast, shook his head and started to rise back up in the air, ignoring Samantha gnawing on his shoulder. My invisibility ran out. He turned to look at me and shouted something. I felt the ground rumble just as a pair of totems appeared in front of me.

Jola the Yule Cat appeared, filling the left side of the room, rising all the way to the ceiling as Lazarus appeared on the right, bazooka at the ready. The automaton spider under him crunched in a shower of sparks. He’d been combined with Skylar Spinach, but he looked exactly the same as before.

I dove backward, jumping from the entranceway and back outside as the ground rumbled. The death worm appeared, flying out of the ground right where I’d been standing. The entire entrance to the capitol building started to

crumble. The massive, fast-moving worm squealed and arced through the air.

It chomped directly onto Lazarus, who cried out in pain, getting swallowed whole by the worm, who dove back below ground.

“Chu! Chu!” Ren called as her friend was pulled apart by her own totem.

I hadn’t seen what had happened, but the man’s innards had been ripped apart in the seconds I’d been looking away. Just like that.

“Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín,” Jola said. The cat’s voice boomed, filling the room. He was talking to Quan.

The worm reappeared, right underneath the cat, but it passed through the non-corporeal totem and it arced again, slamming onto the floor without piercing it. It did a barrel roll as it vomited out a shower of gore and body parts, including pieces of Lazarus. The worm’s head turned toward Ren, who was kneeling down before the body of Chuluuna. The other totem was gone,

having timed out.

“Basquiat, no!” Ren called.

The worm roared and dived for Ren. She rolled out of the way. The worm took out the corpse of the other crawler and disappeared.

Ren tossed a card. A mystic that covered her with an opaque protection shell. It had a 20 second countdown over it.

“I hath risen again, motherfuckers!” came a new voice, jumping out of the gore of worm vomit. Uzi Jesus stood to his full height, his entire body glowing with golden light. He also now held not one, but two gold-plated

Uzis.

Uzi Jesus – Gold Edition.

Behind him, Asojano had also returned. He, too, shined with golden light.

It was clearly Asojano, but his name had changed. The strange wand he normally held had turned to a short staff with a sugar skull at the end. His grass skirt now appeared to be made of woven gold.

Lord of Blight – Gold Edition.

Donut had combined Skylar Spinach, the splitter ghommid, with Lazarus.

So when Lazarus had died, he’d reverted back to the two cards that had been used to create him. Except that Skylar was a special type of Ghommid, and when he split, the new versions were actually more powerful than the previous.

Donut: CARL, WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME! I SUMMONED SHI MARIA AND SHE’S EATING THEM TOO FAST! SHE ASKED WHERE YOU WERE, AND I TOLD HER, AND NOW SHE’S MAD I

DIDN’T SEND HER TO YOU!

“Guys,” I said, pointing at Quan who’d just desperately discarded something. He’d floated back to the ceiling, but his shields were down. His hand was empty. He’s looking for a Flee card. We couldn’t let him get away.

Not again. “Finish him off.”

“No problem,” Uzi Jesus said, twirling his twin guns on his fingers. One went off and flew away. “Dad damnit. Ow, fuck!”

The ground rumbled again. The worm popped up under Ren, but it stopped with a metal clanging noise, the sound like that of a car crash. Ren’s opaque shell didn’t move. A fissure ran along the wall.

“Jola, keep the worm off our back!”

Jola wasn’t listening to me. He only had eyes for Quan. “Mér líkar ekki úlpan þín.”

The cat opened his mouth, and a yellow bolt appeared.

Fashion Critic!

Everything Quan was wearing flew off of him, like an explosion. He dropped like a rock, crashing hard to the rubble. Samantha spun, screaming across the room, bouncing off Garret and rolling to the center of the chamber.

Clothes flew around the room in every direction, including a shining cloak that spun to a stop at my feet. I quickly scooped it up and pulled it into my inventory. An achievement appeared, and I waved it away.

That was pretty much the same spell as Donut’s Laundry Day except the cat was going to literally eat the clothes if we let him. Why? Who the fuck knew.

Quan groaned. A card appeared, but it was clearly not a card he wanted.

He was naked now, the stump of his missing arm waving in the air. The stump held half of a tattoo, the top half of a young girl’s face.

Jola glared at me. “Þjófar verða ètnir. Skilaðu þessu.”

I had no idea what he said or why the system wasn’t translating all this Icelandic, but the threat was clear. I took a step back. The death worm made another attempt at Ren, equally unsuccessful. Her shell would disappear in a few seconds. The next attack would get her unless she managed to summon another totem. Her massive meatball pet ran in circles around her static shell, babbling, clearly ready to push her out of the way the moment the shell ran out. I doubted even the tummy acher could withstand an attack from that worm.

“Yeah, baby!” Uzi Jesus cried as he unloaded his remaining Uzi into

Quan’s naked, one-armed body. “Yeeeee the fuck haw!” His halo burst into

golden light.

Bullet Hell!

More bullets suddenly rained, pouring into Quan. An impossible amount, and not just from the direction of the gun, but from above, too, pouring into him like rain.

These weren’t real bullets, I realized, but more like bee stings. Quan’s body danced on the floor as he was peppered. Jesus laughed maniacally as the man convulsed.

Yet, the tough little bastard still wasn’t dead. His health plummeted.

Asojano slowly walked up to him and went to a knee, ignoring the hail of bullets. He put his hand on the prone man’s body. Boils appeared across his naked chest. A line of debuffs appeared, one by one, each appearing with a plink.

Still, Quan lived. I watched, fascinated.

That is, I watched until a growl from Jola took back my attention. The cat had just finished slurping up Quan’s pants and was now looking at me and hissing, clearly angry at me for taking the magical cloak. He was going to pounce.

Carl: Holy shit, Donut, end the battle! End it now!

Donut: IT’S ALREADY OVER! SHI MARIA IS EATING THEIR CORPSES LIKE POPCORN!

Jola hissed and pounced and disappeared in a puff of smoke as both Uzi

Jesus and Asojano disappeared.

Combat Complete. Deck has been reset.

Quan wasn’t dead. Donut’s fight was done, but this one wasn’t yet. He lay on the ground, bleeding, unmoving. His eyes had turned completely white, and he had a dozen debuffs floating over him, including several I recognized. He was blind, and he wouldn’t be able to heal. He was done.

Still, I had to finish him off before that worm ate Ren. The ground rumbled.

Behind me, Garret the tummy acher let out a strangled cry as it rolled directly into Ren, pushing her away just as the shield disappeared. At the same moment, the worm popped back up and tried to eat the meatball, but Ren cast a snare card, freezing the worm in place for fifteen seconds. Garret rolled away as Samantha yelled something at him, rolling after the meatball.

“Carl,” Quan wheezed. “Carl. Give it back. Please. Fast.”

I started to scoff. Like I would give the cloak back to him.

But I realized that wasn’t what he was asking for. I quickly searched into my inventory, and I found it. The simple, golden ring I’d taken off his hand when I’d ripped his arm off. It was a ring from before, likely his only possession from before the collapse. The ring read “For Daddy” on the inside.

It was still attached to his severed arm, which I still had in my inventory.

I extracted just the ring and dropped it into his remaining hand.

He took in a deep, rattling breath. “She’d be ashamed of what I’ve become.”

I didn’t answer. I formed a fist, but before I could finish him off, he died.

The frozen worm disappeared. More gore showered onto the ground where the worm had been, including the corpse of Chuluuna.

The battle was over.

Quan Ch, with over sixty player killer skulls, was dead. Finally dead.

A champion has fallen. A bounty has been claimed.

Donut: CARL, I GOT CREDIT FOR THAT!

I hadn’t realized Quan had slipped back into the top 10. A wave of chats came in, people trying to figure out who killed who. Donut was already fielding them all.

The ground shook again, and this time a chunk of ceiling fell, landing directly onto Garret. The pet made a pitiful, ouch noise.

I tried to loot Quan, but it wouldn’t let me. Donut had to do it. I’d be able to get the rest of his stuff in a few minutes.

A new dot appeared on my map. A crawler. I straightened my back, but it was Khulan, the only other surviving member of Ren’s squad.

“No,” she said, running into the room. The younger, Asian woman didn’t even look at me. She ran to the mangled body of the crawler in the back of the room. She fell to her knees, draping herself over his body. “No, Chu.

No!”

A ton of cards appeared floating over Quan, more than I’d ever seen.

There were dozens of them. Only Donut could loot these, too.

“Where’re the keys?” Ren asked. Panic rose in her voice. “I didn’t get the keys!”

Donut: CARL, THEY GAVE BOTH THE KEYS TO ME! THIS IS

GREAT!

Oh, shit. I hadn’t been expecting that.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Donut got credit for killing Quan. We’ll get her over here and get you a key. We have time. I’m sorry about your…”

Warning: The door to the exit stairwell at El Capitolio Nacional de Cuba has sustained damage and will become unusable in five minutes. If the doorway crumbles, the associated key will dissipate.

And with that little notification, it ruined our hopes of getting out of this

clean.

“God fucking damnit.”