The Eye of the Bedlam Bride — Chapter no 36

[ 36 ]

I TOOK A DEEP BREATH. I DID MY BEST NOT TO SHOW MY UTTER DISMAY

on my face.

“Why can’t you do it?” I asked.

“Oh, believe me,” Odette said, waving her hand dismissively. “I was going to ask to do it, but I received an opportunity I can’t pass up. ” She straightened. “That’s right folks. The rumors are true. My show will soon be put on hiatus as I step into the dungeon. I have sponsored a deity, and I will be attempting my hand at the Celestial Ascendency.”

There was a pause, and then the crowd went absolutely nuts.

I felt sick to my stomach. She knew. Of course she knew. She knew all along that Huanxin was planning something, and Odette wasn’t going to allow the rich CEO to have the upper hand. She was still going into the dungeon, but it would be on an equal footing.

This whole setup with getting us to pick an adjutant wasn’t about us at all.

It was really a way for Odette to announce her intentions to the audience.

This whole interview was a thinly-veiled press conference.

Donut started jumping up and down on the couch. “Oh my god, Odette!

This is wonderful news! Can I worship you? Carl, wouldn’t that be great? I could worship Odette!”

Odette laughed. “You don’t even know which goddess I picked yet.”

“Well, I’m quite certain it’s someone great. Who is it?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Odette said.

“For fuck’s sake,” I grumbled under my breath.

The three alien portraits faded as a new screen appeared, depicting a scene from the crawl. It was a group of four crawlers I didn’t recognize. It was three humans and a type of rock monster called a coal engine, similar to Chris’s igneous race. They rushed through the streets of some desert town,

pushing through the memory images of people on the street. Clothes went flying. The rock monster guy clutched onto a giant, speckled egg, holding it against his chest like a football. They were pursued by a monstrous leopard with the neck and head of a snake. The snake leopard thing was the size of a school bus, and the head snapped down, barely missing a human. One turned and fired a lightning bolt, and the monster fell back, spinning and hissing.

The four continued to flee, turning down a side street, losing the pursuer.

“It’s happening!” the coal engine guy cried out, and they all skidded to a stop in an alley as the man held out the egg. They all gathered around.

A moment passed, and the egg hatched. The top of the shell dropped away, revealing an ugly, baby bird thing. It screamed, spread its wings, and burst into the air. Smoke trailed as it rose higher and higher, gaining in size.

Soon, it was gone from sight.

A Quest Complete! notification appeared, followed by a system message that Nekhebit had re-ascended. I couldn’t remember having heard that particular notification.

“That was anticlimactic,” one of the humans grumbled.

The scene changed, showing a massive vulture goddess, spinning in 3D on the screen.

Odette preened as sparkles flew around the spinning image. “That’s right, everyone. I will be performing as the famed, ancient goddess, Nekhebit!”

I sighed as the crowd continued to go berserk. Man, I really hoped this would be enough for Huanxin. Odette was still going into the dungeon. If this CEO woman was reasonable, she’d see I had no control over this. I hoped and prayed she’d still honor the deal to save Katia.

I examined the spinning image of the goddess.

I was reminded of another vulture goddess. Quetzalcoatlus from the fifth floor, though that one had been a ghost. Plus she’d been more dinosaur-like with a South-American vibe. This one was more of an Egyptian thing. She had a slender, human-like body with a long, red, flowing dress. Her head was that of an Egyptian vulture, yellow with white feathers spreading around her, almost like an afro. A bow made of oak was slung over her shoulder. She didn’t appear to have actual wings. Only human-like arms covered in bracelets.

As I looked more closely, I noticed the goddess was old and dirty, and covered in healed wounds. Her yellow beak was cracked and chipped. Heavy scarring covered all the exposed parts of her flesh. The jewelry was tarnished

and cloudy, and it was missing some gems. Her red dress appeared threadbare and tattered, almost like she’d been a corpse that had been exhumed.

“Ooh, she looks positively fiendish,” Donut said. “Normally I’m not a fan of the whole hobo chic aesthetic, but I do like this. It suits you. Very sinister.

Though I hope you don’t smell. You look like you might smell.”

“Thank you, Donut,” Odette said. “The origin story of Nekhebit is one of betrayal and revenge. She has earned every one of those scars. Whether she is considered a villain or a hero depends on one’s perspective.”

There was a strange flash to my HUD, like I’d just received a major notification, but it was suppressed because we were still on the show.

Odette continued. “Unlike all the other resurrected gods and goddesses on this floor, Nekhebit is not a retainer to any existing gods or goddesses. And yes, she will have a retainer of her own.” She waggled her finger at the audience. “You’ll have to see how all that plays out in the dungeon. We’ll have one more special about Nekhebit’s history that will air tomorrow evening as I onboard onto the playing field live. But that’s not why we’re here right now, is it? I apologize. We’ve gone a little off script.”

She waved her hand, and the floating heads of the three potential adjutants returned.

“Let’s pick you an adjutant. Again, I know we’ve put you on the spot.

You don’t have to choose, but these three are the only ones still available as far as I am aware. So if you don’t pick, it’s likely you’ll still end up with one of these three anyway.”

I gave a sidelong glance to Quasar, who was nodding in agreement with Odette.

All three of the aliens looked as irritated as I felt for having to sit through Odette’s “off-script” reveal. I examined the three.

The first was a fuzzy, bear-like creature. His name was Ripper Wonton.

He was a type of creature called a quokka, and he was the host of a show called Danger Zone with Ripper Wonton. It was a show Donut, Hekla, and I were on when Manassa had been assassinated by the Skull Empire.

The second was a very angry-looking female orc I didn’t recognize. She was the same sort of wild boar-looking orc as Prince Maestro and Crown Prince Stalwart. She reminded me of an orc hunter we’d killed on the previous floor.

The third was a bald Dream elf. This guy’s name was Drick, and I’d

shared a panel with him when I was at CrawlCon. I remembered the original Drick had been a crawler, and I was pretty sure his birth race wasn’t an elf. It didn’t matter because this iteration was actually a worm head, meaning he had a Valtay worm in the brain.

“Hi Ripper!” Donut said, waving at the only one she recognized. She hadn’t gone to CrawlCon with me. She peered suspiciously at the orc woman.

“Are you Princess Formidable? My friend Katia really likes the sponsor boxes you send. Why do you hate your brothers so much?”

The audience laughed, as did both Ripper Wonton and Drick. The orc woman did not look amused.

“That’s not Princess Formidable,” Odette said. “I don’t think they’d allow her to be an adjutant.”

“Like this one is much better,” Drick muttered.

“Who are you? I don’t like you,” Donut said to Drick. She waved her paw about. “Don’t they have tanning salons out in the universe?” She turned to Odette. “We pick Ripper Wonton. I like him, and he’s adorable.”

“Wait,” I said. I was eyeing Quasar who was shaking his head No vigorously. “Which of these guys has experience doing this? And who is the orc? Are any of these guys qualified for this?”

“That’s a good question, Carl. Luckily, the AI polices their behavior heavily, so you don’t have to worry too much about biases, but here’s a short rundown of each candidate. First, we have Ripper Wonton. He’s an experienced interviewer and knows his way around the media. He’s a firm but fair judge. He’s done this quite a few times. Some people consider him a little too rigid. Plus his short legs make it so he has trouble keeping up in high-intensity battle situations.”

“Really, Odette?” Ripper asked, chuckling at the description. “You’re

going to make fun of my legs?”

The crowd laughed.

“Next, we have Baroness Victory, esquire, formerly of the Skull Empire.

She is the half-sister of the late Queen Consort Ugloo, but she is easily the most experienced judge of the lot. Uh, she’s not too keen on fluff pieces, but people do like her matter-of-fact reporting on the anatomy of battles. She’s an attorney and judge.”

I looked over at Quasar, who gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up.

“And finally, we have Drick. I know you’ve met him briefly, Carl. He’s a recipient of a Valtay life extension. He recently passed the referee exam. He’s

an experienced crawler and consultant, but this would be his first attempt at being an adjutant.”

Quasar gave him a tepid thumbs down. It was clear my lawyer preferred the orc.

Before I turned back, something strange happened. Without a word of explanation, Harbinger blinked and disappeared. Everyone else in the room looked at each other in surprise. Quasar shrugged.

“Do you have any questions?” Odette asked. “If you want, we can put it to an audience vote.”

I returned my attention to our three choices. I thought for a minute. I wasn’t about to let the audience pick for us.

“Drick is allowed to be an adjutant even though he’s Valtay?”

“It’s a little unusual,” Odette agreed. “But, they say he’s passed all the qualifications.”

I liked Drick, but I had an uneasy feeling about choosing him. He seemed like an unlikely candidate for this, and the fact he was Valtay did not sit well with me. My gut told me to avoid using him.

Donut was correct. Ripper was the obvious choice here. Still, Quasar was vehemently against him for some reason. I wondered why.

Also, I still wasn’t certain how crucial this choice was. I’d been so convinced we’d have Odette, I hadn’t been worrying about it. I still had no idea what this guy would be doing all day.

I turned to Baroness Victory. The orc’s nostrils flared. She had what appeared to be an image of an hourglass carved onto one of her tusks. “Have

I killed any of your family members?”

The audience tittered nervously.

She looked at me impassively. “Other than my brother-in-law and nephews, nobody feels you’re responsible for the death of my half-sister, Queen Ugloo. You did slay several distant relations during the Hunting Grounds fiasco.”

I felt my eyebrow raise. “And you feel you can be an impartial adjutant?”

“Don’t pick her, Carl,” Donut said.

She shrugged. “All of your actions so far have been well within your rights.”

“And that makes a difference? They’re family.”

“I recently sentenced my own aunt to indentureship because she didn’t pay her taxes. I am the best possible choice.” She gave a very slight, sly

smile, the first emotion I saw on her face. “Plus, I’m the only one the others sued to keep out of the game.”

Again, I looked to Quasar. He was bouncing up and down, pointing at her, giving me a thumbs up.

“You’ll do,” I said to Baroness Victory. “Sorry, Drick and Ripper. I’ll catch you guys on the other side.”