Rain of Shadows and Endings — Chapter no 29

29

TESSA

T essa went straight through the main living space, through Theon’s bedroom, and out to the balcony when dinner was over. She needed to breathe. Needed to be outside.

She had made herself focus on the dinner conversation, picking up bits and pieces of interesting information, but most of the evening was Cressida spontaneously breaking into tears about her sons being gone for the next several months. In those moments, Theon’s words from the meeting with Valter would play through her mind.

She tested on the higher end of the power scale.

Inconclusive.

That’s what Theon had said her test results were. And they had been for her element, she supposed, but he’d told Valter even that was still estimated to be air. He hadn’t told her any of that, even when she had specifically asked what her results had been.

She tested on the higher end of the power scale.

He had lied to her. They had not been inconclusive. All the talk this morning about working together. Each of them surrendering a little. Give and take.

Nothing but lies to get what he wanted from her.

Why had she even entertained the idea of trusting him? And now she had this godsdamn Bargain Mark on her skin. Because one Mark binding her to him hadn’t been enough apparently. What had she been thinking?

She’d hadn’t been. Always so impulsive. Always unable to control herself.

Too wild. Too much of a hassle.

“Tessa?”

She turned to find Axel standing in the doorway, watching her warily. Darkness floated around him like a light mist. It was the first time she’d ever seen him let his power be seen

for more than a few seconds.

“What?” she demanded.

“It’s raining, baby doll,” he said softly.

She hadn’t even noticed the gentle rain that had indeed begun falling. She wrapped her arms around herself, squeezing tightly, pretending it was Dex or Corbin or Lange.

Old insecurities and feelings clawed their way up from the depths of her soul.

Too much of a hassle.

“Tessa.” There was a soft touch to the small of her back. “Come in out of the rain.”

She looked up into emerald green eyes. “You should have told me,” she whispered, the rain beginning to fall harder.

“You were just waking up, still in pain…” Theon trailed off, his hair becoming

plastered to his head.

“You should have told me.”

“It does not change anything, Tessa. You have already been Selected, already claimed.

It is not as if this changes anything.”

“Did you know before? When you Selected me? Is there something in those fucking documents you have full of information about me that I do not even know? Is that why you chose me?”

“No, Tessa,” Theon said, shaking his head. “I knew you were predicted to emerge with air. You had a slight affinity for water, but the Priestess yesterday told me you have never

actually displayed any elemental magic in any of your assessments. They were just guesses based on your reactions during the tests and bloodline.”

“Bloodline?” Tessa repeated, lurching back as if he had shoved her. Her back hit the balcony railing. “I was alone, Theon. Always alone. I was raised in an Estate home until I was old enough to begin my instruction at the Estate school. They would have to know who my parents are for bloodline to play a role in my predictions.”

Something akin to pity crossed Theon’s features. “Come away from the railing, Tessa,” he coaxed, holding out a hand to her.

“Do you know who my parents are?” she demanded, the bond in her chest reaching for him while she held her breath, waiting for his answer.

“Come inside, Tessa. We can talk,” he said, taking a step towards her.

“Do you know?” she demanded again.

Lightning flashed across the dark sky, and thunder cracked.

“Tessalyn.” Her name was a warning. He would entrance her next.

She did not care.

“Why did you choose me?” she asked instead, her thoughts and emotions all over the place.

She couldn’t focus on anything when he clearly knew so much about her and who she was, while she’d been raised in the dark at an Estate with other parentless Fae. Repeatedly told that she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t compliant enough. That no one would want her unless she had something to offer them. That she was too much of a hassle for anyone to bother with otherwise. That she would forever be nothing, too much of a disappointment to be something.

That was how they had found each other. Dex and Brecken. Oralia. Lange and Corbin.

The Celeste Estate was different from the others. The other three Estates were more akin to small cities where Fae resided. The Celeste Estate was where the Fae who did not have homes went. Those without families to raise them. But Tessa had been there first. Alone for years.

Dex had been the first to find her when she was scarcely eighteen years. He was older than her by nearly five years and had missed being eligible for the most recent Selection by a mere month. He’d been sent to the Celeste Estate along with a few others to wait for the next Selection Year.

He had found her hiding under a set of stairs that led off of the kitchens. It was the place she had always hidden when she was younger, hoping to steal any scraps leftover from meal preparations. Over time, it became the place she went to escape…well, everything. Except her own thoughts. There was never escaping those.

A head of dark brown hair suddenly appeared, eyes so dark they were nearly black in the shadows of the nook under the stairwell. “What are you doing under here?”

“What am I doing under here?” Tessa had asked. “What are you doing under here?”

The male slipped farther into the shadows, dropping to the floor beside her. He had a small paper bag in his hand. Bending a knee, he rested an arm atop it. Then he held the bag

out to her. “Want one?”

She narrowed her eyes. “No.”

“You don’t even know what’s in here,” he countered.

“I don’t need to know. I am not going to help you.”

“Help me? With what?”

“Who are you?” Tessa asked.

“Dex. Who are you?”

“I’ve never seen you around here before.”

“Just got here this morning. Came from the Serafina Estate.”

“Why?”

Dex shrugged. “They needed somewhere to keep me until Selection, I guess.” He reached into the sack and pulled out a doughnut, taking a bite. “You going to tell me your

name?”

“No. How did you get those?”

Dex glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “The doughnuts?”

She nodded. She was starving. Mother Cordelia had found some reason to withhold her meals today. She couldn’t even remember what she’d done this time.

“Bought them in Arobell before coming here.”

“Oh.”

He held the bag out to her again. “Want one?”

She shook her head.

“What are you doing under here?” he asked again, looking around the cramped space. She hardly fit in the small space, let alone a full-grown male.

“How old are you?” she blurted before she could stop herself. No surprise there.

“Twenty-three. How old are you?”

“If you are twenty-three years, why are you not assigned to a Kingdom?”

“Born days too late, I guess,” he answered with a shrug, finishing off his doughnut.

She took a deep breath then, tipping her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. “Well, Dex from the Serafina Estate, whatever you have heard about me, it is not true,

so you can kindly fuck off.”

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Leave.”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

She didn’t say anything.

“My apologies if I offended you.”

There was rustling, and a moment later she heard him leave. When she opened her eyes, she found he’d left the paper sack. Glancing around to make sure he’d truly left, she pulled out a doughnut with chocolate frosting and took a bite.

“Tessa?”

The sound of Theon’s voice jerked her back to the present where it was now pouring rain. Icy drops slid down her exposed back. He was standing directly in front of her, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Where’d you go, little storm?”

She brought her eyes to his. “Tell me why you Selected me. No bullshit. Tell me what you want from me.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Theon asked, his suit soaked through and clinging to his body.

She didn’t even feel the chill against her skin.

“Tell me.”

“Tell me why it matters,” he countered.

“Tell me!” she screamed, but her voice was carried away on the howling winds. “Tell me what it is you want from me so godsdamn badly that you took me from those who actually cared about me.”

“Why do you insist I do not care for you?”

“Why can’t you answer the godsdamn question?” Her hands came up, shoving against his chest, and to her surprise, he moved back a few steps.

“Wind,” Theon murmured, meeting her gaze. She didn’t actually hear him over the driving rain, but she read his lips. He looked up at the sky for a long moment before he stepped close to her once more. “Come inside, Tessa. I will answer your questions.”

“Answer them now,” she demanded, digging in her heels when he reached for her and tried to tug her to the doors.

He spun back to her. “Tessa,” he said incredulously. “You need to get out of the rain.”

She reached behind her, gripping the railing in clear refusal.

“Fine,” Theon snapped, a hand carving through his dripping hair and pushing it out of his face. “You want to know what I know? You want to know why I Selected you? You were one of five options. I did not go to the Estates like the other heirs, but I was still watching all of you from afar. The Arius Kingdom has people everywhere. I had people reporting to me. I wanted someone clever, and I don’t mean book smarts. I mean cunning. I wanted someone who wasn’t afraid of bending the rules. I desired the fire element, but Anala Kingdom refused all offers, so I was willing to settle for another element if they were likely to be powerful. I did not want a meek, timid Source. Obedient, yes, but not someone who would cower. I was not lying earlier today when I said I want others to fear what my Source and I will become.

“I had it narrowed down to three females and two males. I sought you all out before the Opening Selection Ceremony. I actually couldn’t find you. Because you, Tessalyn Ausra, you are clever and cunning and have so many secrets.” Tessa sucked in a breath as he moved even closer. “I was going to pick someone else because I couldn’t fucking find you. Not until I happened upon you, completely by chance, in an alcove with stolen chocolate. You did not appear to fear me, not completely anyway judging by the way you waved that chocolate in my face, but you also did not lie to me when I warned you not to.”

Tessa swallowed thickly. “And I knew. I knew in that moment that I would pick you.

Because your marks were high in every lesson you completed. You like to break the rules, but you know how to do so without getting caught. And these secrets…” He reached out, fingering a wet lock of hair.

“I don’t have secrets,” she whispered, the rain having lessened to a steady drizzle.

“You know my secrets, not me.”

“Don’t start lying to me now, Tessa,” he said sensually, his face angling down towards

her.

“I’m not.”

His mouth came closer. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” she breathed, knowing if he tried to kiss her, she would let him. Wanted him to.

“There is one secret in particular I don’t know,” he said, his breath dancing over her lips.

And tonight, if he asked, she’d let him have that secret too. She’d let him take what he wanted. Because for one night, she needed an escape from all of this. She wanted to drown

in pleasure, letting it overpower the pain and loneliness and— “How do you get past the wards?”

“What?” Tessa blurted, blinking hard, sure she couldn’t have heard him properly.

“You have some very unique skills, Tessa.”

“I have… That’s why you chose me?”

“It was not the only reason. I told you some of the various factors that played into my decision.”

“Some of the various factors,” she said softly. Then she was stepping around him. She moved to the middle of the balcony before spinning back to face him again. “So I simply checked the most boxes on your checklist?”

“No. I mean—” Theon pushed out a harsh breath. “Why does any of this matter? What is it going to change? It is done. You were Selected. We need to figure out how to move forward with this together, Tessa.”

“It matters because very few want me, Theon!” she cried. “They want what I can give them, what I have to offer, but never me. And you have just told me you are no different. So I am trying to figure out what exactly it is you want from me—”

“Everything, Tessa,” Theon snarled, moving so quickly, Tessa didn’t register he’d even moved until he was before her once more, his hand loosely gripping her throat. “I want everything you have to give, and then I want more. I want every piece of you— every secret, every tempest raging in those stormy eyes. I want all your fear and all your pain, all your smiles and all your laughter. I want all your mornings and all your nights, all your

days and months and years.”

“You can’t have them,” she sneered.

“I can have them,” he countered. “I will have them. Even if it takes our entire lifetime together, you will give them to me. Each and every piece. You can hate me for it, but it won’t change it.”

“You will take everything from me?” she asked, her voice barely audible.

“I will. I want it all.”

“And what will you do when there is nothing left, Theon?” She heard him suck in a sharp breath. “What will you do when you have taken everything and left me with nothing?”

His eyes darted over her shoulder, and she glanced back to see Axel and Luka standing in the doorway. One look at their faces told her they’d been watching everything play out and had heard every single thing that had been said between them.

She turned back to Theon. “What were my results today?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

She huffed a laugh of disbelief. “The joke’s on you, Theon. I have nothing left to give.

What little I had, you already took. Congratulations. You already won.”

His hand slipped from her neck, and she took a step back from him. “As for the wards, I don’t know how I do that. I didn’t even know I was doing anything out of the ordinary until I was punished for it by the Estate Mother when I was five years. It is something kept hidden because she enjoyed handing out consequences for inappropriate behavior.

Something you and her seem to have in common. But I should have known that is what you desired from the beginning. It is all anyone ever wants from me. All that I am useful for.

The only reason anyone bothers with me.”

She turned then, Luka and Axel stepping to the side when she neared so she could enter the bedroom. She went straight to the bathroom, peeling off the sopping wet dress.

Stepping into the shower, she turned the water so hot she could hardly stand it. Then she sank to the floor and pulled the pins from her hair while the water beat down on her, wishing it could wash away the emptiness of her soul. But all she was left with were her thoughts, swirling in her mind like the water down the drain.

She was up before Theon the next morning, having slept in the bed in the small room.

Theon hadn’t argued with her. He hadn’t even tried to convince her to sleep beside him. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but she couldn’t sleep. She was surprised she’d managed the few hours she had gotten. She sat in the bay window, sipping on coffee, watching the rain drizzling outside and wondering if it would rain like this at the Acropolis.

They would drive to Dark Haven before using the portal there. The other Fae had never left the Acropolis. They had used these last few weeks to get assigned to dormitories and go through an orientation of sorts of what to expect throughout the Selection Year. As a Source, she knew she wouldn’t have to go through all the various lessons and trials the other Fae would undergo, but she also wasn’t exactly sure what she would be doing there now. These last few weeks had been so chaotic between her and Theon and this damn bond.

She just assumed she’d be told what she needed to know when she needed to know it at this point.

Just do as you’re told and stop being a burden.

Be what they want you to be now, so you can be who you were meant to be later.

But did it matter when she just didn’t have it in her to care anymore?

Maybe she’d been going about this the wrong way. Maybe she could find some sort of purpose in this. Some sort of…contentment in the fate she’d been given. Fighting against it was getting her nowhere.

The sound of footsteps had her glancing over in time to see Theon emerge, shirtless and wearing only his lounge pants. She looked back out the window, utterly annoyed at how her heart rate had picked up at seeing him, the cord stretching and reaching for him.

She hadn’t gotten dressed yet herself, unsure of what she’d be required to wear. She was hoping she’d at least be able to be comfortable while traveling. So her hair was up in a messy bun on her head, Theon’s thermal over the tank top she’d slept in. He’d draped a heavy blanket over her after she’d fallen asleep, so she hadn’t been cold.

She heard him getting coffee in the kitchen, then she felt rather than heard him approach her in the window.

“I don’t believe the townhouse at the Acropolis has a bay window overlooking gardens,” he said. “I wonder, where will you perch there?”

She slowly turned to look up at him.

“So we are back to not speaking?” he asked when she didn’t reply.

She frowned. “No. I have just never been to a townhouse, so I don’t know what to expect or where I will…perch.”

“I haven’t been there since it was updated after the last Selection, but I imagine the layout will be the same.”

“They update them after every Selection Year?” Tessa asked.

“They do.”

“That seems excessive.”

“It probably is.”

When he didn’t say anything further, Tessa said, “Do I need to pack anything in particular to bring with me?”

“Pen left two days ago to get everything in order. We will have clothing and necessities upon arrival. Anything else we might need, we can find in the city,” Theon

replied.

“Penelope will be there with us?”

“She is the only staff that will be there with us, per our request,” he said, taking a drink of his coffee as an almost fond smile crossed his lips. “Anyway, I have your computer and tablet already packed. We can go over passwords and whatnot on the drive. You just need your phone and any personal—”

He cut himself off when he realized what he was saying.

She cleared her throat. “As was stated last night, I have nothing, so I have nothing to pack other than what you deem necessary.”

“Can we talk about…all of that?”

“No.”

“No?”

She turned to look at him once more. “Our deal was that I would be compliant and help you with whatever it is you need my help with as your Source. When we are alone, I am not required to be such a thing.”

“You no longer want your questions answered?” he asked, his head tilting as he

studied her.

“Nope.”

“You were very insistent last night.”

“And you were correct. It does not matter. It changes nothing, so we are moving forward,” she replied, standing from the window seat. “What do I need to wear today?”

Theon was quiet for a moment, still studying her. “I am unsure of what this is,” he

finally said.

“Unsure of what what is?”

“This mood of apathy.”

“Whatever. Just tell me what you want me to wear today so I can get ready to go.”

He was quiet for another few seconds before saying, “Be comfortable for travel. We will change before we go through the portal.”

Tessa took her coffee cup with her into the dressing room, a little surprised he didn’t have clothing picked out for her. She changed into a pair of jeans and pulled on a tank top, planning to wear a comfortable sweatshirt if she even had such a thing in this giant closet.

She brushed her teeth and applied light cosmetics before brushing out her hair and tying it up in a proper ponytail. She was slipping sneakers on when Theon came into the

dressing room, a towel around his waist, apparently fresh out of the shower. Her mind immediately went to walking in on him in the shower yesterday.

Godsdamnit.

Trying to focus on anything other than what he had looked like with his cock in his hand and his release painting the shower wall, Tessa asked, “When you have a Match someday, where will her clothes go?”

Theon cursed when he slammed a drawer shut on his fingers. “What?” he asked in a low growl.

She eyed him warily, flicking through hangers. “Your Match. If you and Miss Davers are Matched, where will her clothing go?”

“Is that really something we need to discuss right now?”

“I was just curious,” she said with a shrug.

“She will have her own rooms with her own closet,” Theon said tightly.

“Her own rooms? She won’t stay in your rooms?”

“She will stay in our room at times, I suppose. Other times, she might want her own space.”

“Hmm,” was all Tessa said as she finally settled on a long-sleeve shirt, unable to find a comfortable sweatshirt.

She slid the shirt on and turned to find Theon watching her while he buttoned his shirt.

He’d also gotten dressed in jeans, and when he finished with the buttons, he rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. She left him in there to finish packing whatever else he might need and wandered out to the main room, finding Axel there. Her brows rose in surprise.

“You’re early.”

“I am just that excited to watch you and Theon on a day-long road trip.”

“Funny,” she deadpanned, then she stilled when she saw a pastry box on the island counter.

“Doughnuts,” Axel said with a grin, following her gaze.

“Does Theon know?”

Axel shook his head slowly, his grin turning mischievous.

“I’m still pissed about you holding me down on the way back here yesterday,” she said warily, making her way to the pastry box.

“I know. You should be.”

Her hand stilled as she reached to open the box.

He’d followed her into the kitchen, sliding onto a stool. He opened the box for her, and she could have cried to see six different kinds of doughnuts. She picked up one with chocolate frosting on top, taking a bite.

“I’m sorry, Tessa,” Axel said, pushing the lid closed.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. We have decades, centuries possibly, of being around each other. I don’t want…” He trailed off, as if he didn’t know how to finish his thought.

Tessa swallowed her second bite before she said, “As was stated last night, none of it matters, does it?” Axel opened his mouth, but she kept going. “Besides, soon enough you will have your own Source and a Match. I’ll be in the background, just there when Theon needs power. That’s my purpose, right?”

“Tessa, we don’t want it to be like that. We’ve never wanted it to be like that. We’ve never wanted—”

“It doesn’t matter what anyone wants,” she sighed. “Again, as was stated last night, nothing can be changed.”

She set the half-eaten doughnut down on a napkin she’d grabbed. It just…didn’t taste right.

“Nothing can change you being his Source, that’s true,” Axel said carefully. “But that doesn’t mean you need to be miserable, Tessa. He just…” He pushed out a long breath, swiping a hand down his face. “You’ve seen Eviana. We don’t leave the kingdom much.

The Arius Kingdom is private for various reasons you will soon learn. The relationship between my father and Eviana is all we really had to go on when it came to Sources. Theon thought—well, we all thought really—that it was just…automatically like that.”

Tessa was quiet, fidgeting with the napkin beneath her fingers. “I am well aware that I am…a disappointment in many ways, Axel. Despite my best efforts to not be that, I know I

can be a hassle.”

“You’re not, Tessa. You’re—”

“I know I am different from other Fae.”

“Theon wants different. He doesn’t want—”

“I know what Theon wants,” Tessa cut in. “He told me his entire godsdamn checklist last night. I just so happen to check all the boxes except the easy one.”

“He doesn’t want easy.”

“I don’t care what he wants. I don’t care what any of you want.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Axel said, nudging the half-eaten doughnut forward with his fingertips. “Then what do you care about, Tessa?”

“Nothing,” she answered. “Why would I bother caring about anything? It won’t make a difference.”

“What about this bargain with Theon?” he countered. “You obviously care about something to make a bargain.”

Tessa brushed her fingers along her ribs, where the Bargain Mark now marred her skin.

“The bargain was impulsive. Something I’m told I am often. It was pointless and simply tied me to him in yet another way. But I will uphold my end. I will be his perfect little Source in public. The gods know I don’t need to be any more cursed than I already am.”

Axel frowned, and he opened his mouth, about to say something else, when Theon strode into the room. “Luka is waiting for us down at the vehicle,” he said, glancing once at the doughnuts. He grabbed Tessa’s coffee mug, and she watched him pour what was left into a travel mug, topping it off with what was left in the pot. He twisted the lid on before passing it back to her without a word. Then he scooped up a messenger bag and looped it over his shoulder. “Ready?”

Axel swiped up the pastry box, closing the lid. “For months away from this place?

Absolutely.”

Both of their gazes settled on her. She made her way to them, following the St. Orcas brothers out the door and leaving the half-eaten doughnut sitting on the counter.