Rain of Shadows and Endings — Chapter no 14

14

TESSA

T hree days.

It had been three days of Theon’s new expectations. Three days of going through the motions. Three days of doing as she was told. Three days of biting her tongue and keeping everything inside. Three days of barely speaking. Three days of being trapped in these rooms. Trapped in this house. Trapped in her own head.

Trapped.

So fucking trapped.

Theon had been true to his word. He didn’t force anything sexual on her. There was often physical contact, but nothing overly suggestive. He hadn’t asked to kiss her again since that first day. He would press soft kisses to the top of her head or to her temple, and his hand was always in hers or touching her in some way, but that was it. She’d admit she’d been getting the best sleep of her godsdamn life though. The bond was content sleeping next to him every night, but each day she found it harder and harder to resist the pull of the cord inside her that was pushing for more.

And each day she wondered if she was losing more and more of her mind. Of herself.

Each day she wondered if this would be the day she finally gave up.

Theon tried at various times to engage her in conversation. So did Luka and Axel. She quickly lost interest in whatever they were saying.

No, that wasn’t true.

She simply did not care.

Not only that, she was worried if she spoke too much, she’d say something reckless and make things even more unbearable.

She tried to read a book, but she couldn’t focus on the pages for more than a few minutes at a time. Not that she minded reading. She just couldn’t sit still long enough to focus on it, her mind constantly wandering. Suddenly she’d read five pages but had no idea what the pages had said.

Now she was lying awake in bed. For the first time ever, she had woken before Theon.

His arm was draped over her waist, his features softer in sleep. That muscle that always ticked in his jaw relaxed for once. As carefully as she could, she slipped from beneath his arm, hoping not to wake him. She hadn’t been in a space by herself for longer than five minutes for three days. A cup of coffee in the quiet morning hours sounded divine. No need to weigh every action and word. Not having eyes constantly on her. A few minutes when she could try to feel something other than the numbness settling over her soul. A few minutes to breathe.

Tessa slid on Theon’s thermal shirt. He’d taken to leaving one out for her on the armchair by the fireplace. His body heat kept her plenty warm at night, but she was always chilled in the mornings. She tiptoed barefoot out to the main room, closing the bedroom door behind her so she wouldn’t wake him while she made coffee.

A few minutes later, she settled into the bay window, a hot mug of coffee warming her hands. She loved dawn. Watching the sun start to climb. The promise that anything could happen. Nothing ever changed for her, but she liked the idea that something could change.

Silly idealistic notions when she really thought about it. Hope never amounted to anything.

She stared out at the winding garden paths below. When she’d run through them in her escape attempt, she hadn’t taken the time to look around. She had simply taken the main

path that led straight into the mountains. But she had studied them from this vantage point in her hours of being trapped inside. There had been a constant gloomy drizzle for the last three days, so she hadn’t even been able to sit on the balcony.

Movement caught her eye outside, and she found Axel running in the rain. Having never been awake this early, she’d never seen him out there before. She’d never been a runner. She didn’t particularly want to be a runner, but she did want to be outside, even in the rain. Even if she had to run.

Tessa rose from her seat and retrieved the phone Theon had given her. It was on his desk, plugged into the charger. She hadn’t touched the thing since they’d returned from Castle Pines and she’d handed it back to him. This phone was expensive. It looked like it was one of the latest models. She would have given just about anything to be holding one of the old, outdated phones she shared with her friends rather than this shiny new thing. This phone was just one more thing that separated her from who she had once been.

Returning to the bay window, it took her a minute to find Axel again. He was towards the back of the gardens now, almost out of sight. She didn’t know much about running, but he seemed to be making pretty good time. Unlocking the phone, she pulled up Axel’s contact information, quickly typing out a message.

Tessa: Can I go running with you?

She turned her attention back to the window where she saw Axel come to a sudden halt. He pulled his phone from his pocket, trying to shield it from the rain. Tessa watched the phone beside her as she sipped her coffee, waiting to see if he was going to answer. A moment later, her phone gave a soft ping.

Axel: One- I didn’t know you were a runner. Two- I’m guessing Theon won’t like that.

She pursed her lips, but before she could respond, another message came through.

Axel: You should ask Theon to take you running.

She’d never seen Theon run, and she was rarely away from him. Although, come to think of it, he must train at some point to maintain looking the way that he did. So when did he have time to do that? When he was gone for those meetings with his father maybe?

Her phone pinged again, and Tessa glanced down at the message. Axel had apparently taken her lack of response as her being upset.

Axel: If you can convince Theon to let you, I’ll gladly run with you. Talk to Theon.

A door banging open made her jump as she clutched her coffee cup, trying not to spill any of it.

“Tessa?” Theon called, rushing into the main room. Upon seeing her in the bay window, he hurried to her side. “What are you doing out here?”

Tessa blinked up at him in surprise. “…drinking coffee?” She lifted her mug a little to further her point.

“Gods, Tessa,” he breathed, running his hands through his sleep-addled hair. “I woke up to an alert that you were using your phone and then you weren’t in bed… You know you’re not supposed to be out of my sight.”

“You were sleeping, Theon,” she snapped, and his emerald eyes flared brighter at her outburst. “I’ve been out of your sight since you fell asleep last night,” she added, rolling her

eyes.

“Why are you texting Axel at dawn?”

“I saw him running out in the gardens. You said I could communicate with him and Luka.”

“I know I did, but you haven’t exactly been present the last few days.”

“And whose fault is that?” she bit back.

His head cocked to the side. “Is this how I get you to speak to me? I must speak with you before you’ve had a full cup of coffee?” Tessa scowled at him, and the corner of his lips lifted the smallest amount. “What are you and Axel talking about?”

“That’s none of your concern,” she retorted. There was no way she was going to ask him if she could go running with Axel.

Theon’s hand snapped out faster than she could track, scooping up her phone where it had slipped onto the window seat. “Wrong answer, Tessa. Everything to do with you is my concern.”

“Give that back!” she cried, shooting to her feet and somehow managing not to spill her coffee as she set it down on the seat.

Shadows wrapped around her, holding her back while he unlocked the phone. His brows shot up as he read the brief text exchange before he shifted his gaze back to her.

“You want to go running?”

“I want to go running with Axel,” she retorted, giving up on trying to get the phone back and crossing her arms, his darkness drifting along her torso and tendrils winding into her hair.

“No,” he answered simply, holding the phone out to her. “But like Axel said, I will take you running.”

Not taking the phone back, she said, “I don’t want to go running with you.”

“Then you won’t go running.”

“Fine.”

Theon sighed in exasperation. “Tessa.”

“Theon,” she parroted mockingly.

Theon’s lips thinned, that muscle ticking in his jaw. “I’ll have Pen go out and get you some running gear today. We can start running tomorrow morning.”

“Did you go deaf overnight? I said I don’t want to go running with you.”

“Consider it a consequence then,” he replied. He made his way towards the kitchen, pausing to place the phone on his desk. His shadows lingered a little longer before they pulled away from her, dragging along her flesh like they didn’t want to leave.

“Consequence? For what?”

“You were not to leave my sight or my side for more than a few minutes at a time,” he called over his shoulder.

“Theon!” she shrieked, stomping after him. “You were sleeping!”

He said nothing. Just poured himself a mug of coffee before turning back to her and

arching a brow in question.

“You’re serious?” she demanded.

“As the Pits of Torment,” he replied with a nod. Tessa stared at him, completely dumbfounded. “I’ll order up breakfast,” he added after a moment, striding past her with his coffee in hand.

Tessa turned, following him into the bedroom where he’d gone to retrieve his phone.

“I’m not going running with you,” she said, all the emotions she’d been pushing down the last few days surging up in a torrent.

“We will discuss this later,” he said, clearly not worried as he picked up his phone.

“We will discuss this now,” she countered, reaching out and slapping the phone from his hand. It landed on the bed with a soft thunk. Theon dragged incredulous eyes to her, and Tessa forced herself not to shrink back from him. What was he going to do? That had been impulsive. She was arguing with him and fighting back. Two things he had said she wasn’t to do anymore.

“Did you just slap my phone out of my hand?” he asked, his tone low and dangerous as he set his mug down.

“I…was trying to talk to you,” she answered. She heard the slight tremor in her voice, so she could only assume he did too.

“Did you think I could not speak with you and order breakfast at the same time?”

“No. I just…wanted your complete attention,” she said, finally managing to form the

words.

“And now you have it.”

Tessa swallowed, and he took a step towards her. She went to step back, but he reached out, twisting her so that the back of her legs bumped against the bed. One of his arms looped around her back, catching her, while the other held him over her when he lowered her onto the unmade bed.

“Theon, what are you doing?” she breathed. Her stomach dipped, and her skin tingled at the close contact. Sleeping beside him was one thing, but having him look at her like this was something else entirely. Faint wisps of darkness swirled across his heated emerald eyes. Eyes that dipped to her mouth.

“You wanted my attention,” he said, his face coming close to hers. A lock of his black hair fell into his eyes, and without thinking, she reached up and brushed it back. The corner of his mouth quirked up. “You were saying?”

She had been saying something, hadn’t she? His face moved an inch closer so that his breath danced over her lips.

“Tessa,” he murmured, amusement flickering across his features.

“What?”

“What did you require my complete attention for?”

“To…”

He ran the tip of his nose down the length of hers, and her entire body flushed with

heat and need.

“To what?” he whispered.

There had been something she’d been trying to tell him. There had been something she was trying to say. She mentally tried to go through her morning, but ignoring him on top of

her was not easily done.

Coffee. Axel. Running.

Running!

“To tell you I’m not going running with you,” she blurted at the sudden recall.

Theon pulled back a fraction of an inch. “You are sure?”

“Yes.”

“Positive?”

“Positive?” Tessa repeated in confusion. “Yes, Theon. I am certain I am not going running with you.”

“Hmm,” he hummed. He’d worked his arm out from beneath her, and his hand settled on her hip. Now those fingers began slowly skating up her side, brushing across her ribs in a way that made her squirm.

“Theon,” she breathed, trying to push against his chest, but he snatched her wrists with his other hand. Bringing them up, he pinned them above her head, and she went utterly still at being completely at his mercy.

“Did you know that you’ve said my name more times this morning than you have in the last three days?” he murmured, his hand skating along her ribs again. His gaze was fixed

on his fingers, following their path.

She swallowed but didn’t answer.

She did know that. Calling him by his name seemed too personal when they were not that. Source and Master. That was the extent of their relationship. Nothing more.

“I’ve missed hearing it on your lips, little storm,” he continued.

“I don’t care,” she ground out.

“No, you don’t,” he said, more to himself than her.

His hips rolled against her. A small movement that had her sucking in a sharp breath because gods. If he was literally anyone else, falling headfirst into pleasure would be the perfect distraction from everything.

“What will it take for you to go running with me, Tessa?” he asked.

Her lip curled into a mocking smirk. “I don’t negotiate with you.”

He paused. “So mouthy this morning.”

She scowled, turning her head to the side and averting her gaze. Mainly because if she kept staring at him, she was going to kiss him. And if this kiss was anything like the other two times they’d kissed, she didn’t think she would be able to stop. Theon sure as fuck wouldn’t stop.

“Would running with me versus Axel really be all that terrible?” he pressed, his fingers

trailing along her torso again.

“Yes,” she gritted out.

“Why?”

“Because he’s not you.”

He still held her wrists above her head, and his other hand came up and gripped her chin, forcing her gaze back to his. He didn’t say anything for the longest moment, only searched her eyes. Finally, he said, “Axel can go running with us if you would like.”

“No.”

“I am trying to compromise with you, Tessa.”

“And I am declining your proposal, Master.”

His eyes flared brighter, that swirling darkness starker against them. “You do need to exercise. It’s as important as proper nutrition.”

“I’m fine,” she bit out.

“Running or training in a gym. Your choice.”

“I don’t get choices.”

“Both then.”

“What? Why?” she cried in dismay. “As a punishment for being born? Or simply because you think I’m yours?”

His thumb brushed along her bottom lip, his features softening. “It’s not a punishment, Tessa.”

“Consequence. Punishment. They’re the same thing, even if one word sounds prettier than the other. I would know.”

At that, he stilled again. “What do you mean by that?”

Too much. She’d revealed too much.

“Nothing.”

“I am going to need you to explain that statement.”

“No.”

“Tessa…” She could hear his irritation growing.

“Fine, we can go running,” she said in a rush, if only to keep him from pushing her on this.

He eyed her for a moment before he released her wrists, but his body remained hovering over her as he braced his palms on either side of her head. She couldn’t move.

Parts of her would press against parts of him and— A soft pinging sounded, and Theon’s eyes darted to his phone where it still lay on the bed.

“Axel is on his way here with breakfast,” Theon said, his eyes coming back to her.

“Are you hungry?”

Tessa nodded mutely, and Theon slowly rose off her, taking one of her hands to pull her up with him. He didn’t release her hand, and she tucked her hair behind her ear as he led her back out to the main room and to the dining table. While she was taking her seat, he went and retrieved her coffee mug from the window, going to the kitchen to refill it.

She frowned slightly. He was waiting on her. It was supposed to be the other way around.

The sound of the door drew her attention, and a moment later, Axel came through with a pastry box in hand. He was still in his running gear, a protein shake balanced atop the box.

“Morning, baby doll,” he said in greeting, flashing her a grin.

She gave him a tight smile in return.

“Do I need to text you?” he asked, placing the pastry box on the table. “Is that the only way we communicate now?”

“I texted you once,” she retorted. “The rest was all you because you talk incessantly.”

“There she is,” he said, his grin widening. He flipped open the pastry box. “They’re bringing up eggs and sausage, but I thought these might be a good start.”

She crossed her arms but leaned forward an inch to peer inside. There were a variety of muffins. It wasn’t doughnuts, but they would do.

If Theon let her have one.

Her coffee mug appeared in front of her, and she could feel him standing behind her.

This presence that both drew her in and made her want to scream.

“These look like Pen’s doing,” Theon said, reaching for the box and grabbing a muffin.

“You know Pen,” Axel replied, dropping into a chair. He pulled a small mirror from his pocket that Tessa had seen him fiddling with every once in a while. She’d been curious, but not enough to ask about it. That would require speaking to them. The ring on his finger matched one of Theon’s, the black stone in the center gobbling up any light.

Theon slid the box closer to Tessa as he lowered into the chair beside her. “Pen used to work in the kitchens before she was promoted to serve us.”

“Promoted,” Tessa deadpanned.

“Yes,” Theon answered unfazed. “She is a talented baker though, and she still finds her way to the kitchens a few days a week. Apparently, this morning was one of them. Pick one.”

She kept her arms firmly crossed, not wanting to take anything from him after he’d basically forced her to agree to running with him.

“There are all kinds,” Axel said, rolling that stupid mirror between his knuckles.

“Blueberry?” Theon asked, his hand hovering over the box.

She pursed her lips, but when he started to reach for one, she blurted, “Chocolate

chip.”

“Good choice,” Axel said with a wink.

“Whatever,” she grumbled, snatching the muffin from Theon’s hand.

Axel and Theon fell into conversation, and she sank back into herself. She may be with one of them at all hours these days, but she was more alone than ever.

One, two, three…