Paper Towns — Chapter no 23

23.

I slept for a few hours and then spent the morning poring over the travel

guides I’d discovered the day before. I waited until noon to call Ben and

Radar. I called Ben first. “Good morning, Sunshine,” I said.

“Oh, God,” Ben said, his voice dripping abject misery. “Oh, sweet baby

Jesus, come and comfort your little bro Ben. Oh, Lord. Shower me with

your mercy.”

“There’ve been a lot of Margo developments,” I said excitedly, “so you

need to come over. I’m gonna call Radar, too.”

Ben seemed not to have heard me. “Hey, when my mom came into my

room at nine o’clock this morning, why is it that as I reached up to yawn,

she and I both discovered a beer can was stuck to my hand?”

“You superglued a bunch of beers together to make a beer sword, and

then you superglued your hand to it.”

“Oh, yeah. The beer sword. That rings a bell. ”

“Ben, come over.”

“Bro. I feel like shit.”

“Then I’ll come over to your house. How soon?”

“Bro, you can’t come over here. I have to sleep for ten thousand hours. I

have to drink ten thousand gallons of water, and take ten thousand Advils.

I’ll just see you tomorrow at school.”

I took a deep breath and tried not to sound pissed. “I drove across

Central Florida in the middle of the night to be sober at the world’s drunkest

party and drive your soggy ass home, and this is—” I would have kept

talking, but I noticed that Ben had hung up. He hung up on me. Asshole.

As time passed, I only got more pissed. It’s one thing not to give a shit

about Margo. But really, Ben didn’t give a shit about me, either. Maybe our

friendship had always been about convenience— he didn’t have anyone

cooler than me to play video games with. And now he didn’t have to be nice

to me, or care about the things I cared about, because he had Jase

Worthington. He had the school keg stand record. He had a hot prom date.

He’d jumped at his first opportunity to join the fraternity of vapid asshats.

Five minutes after he hung up on me, I called his cell again. He didn’t

answer, so I left a message. “You want to be cool like Chuck, Bloody Ben?

That’s what you always wanted? Well, congratulations. You got it. And you

deserve him, because you’re also a shitbag. Don’t call back.”

Then I called Radar. “Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he answered. “I just threw up in the shower. Can I call you

back?”

“Sure,” I said, trying not to sound angry. I just wanted someone to help

me sort through the world according to Margo. But Radar wasn’t Ben; he

called back just a couple minutes later.

“It was so disgusting that I puked while cleaning it up, and then while

cleaning that up, I puked again. It’s like a perpetual motion machine. If you

just kept feeding me, I could have just kept puking forever.”

“Can you come over? Or can I come over to your house?”

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

“Margo was alive and in the minimall for at least one night after her

disappearance.”

“I’ll come to you. Four minutes.”

Radar showed up at my window precisely four minutes later.

“You should know I’m having a huge fight with Ben,” I said as he

climbed in.

“I’m too hungover to mediate,” Radar answered quietly. He lay down on

the bed, his eyes half closed, and rubbed his buzzed hair. “It’s like I got hit

by lightning.” He sniffed. “Okay, bring me up-to-date.” I sat down in the

desk chair and told Radar about my evening in Margo’s vacation house,

trying hard not to leave out any possibly helpful details. I knew Radar was

better at puzzles than I, and I was hoping he’d piece together this one.

He waited to talk until I’d said, “And then Ben called me and I left for

that party.”

“Do you have that book, the one with the turned-down corners?” he

asked. I got up and fished for it under the bed, finally pulling it out. Radar

held it above his head, squinting through his headache, and flipped through

the pages.

“Write this down,” he said. “Omaha, Nebraska. Sac City, Iowa.

Alexandria, Indiana. Darwin, Minnesota. Hollywood, California. Alliance,

Nebraska. Okay. Those are the locations of all the things she—well, or

whoever read this book—found interesting.” He got up, motioned me out of

the chair, and then swiveled to the computer. Radar had an amazing talent

for carrying on conversations while typing. “There’s a map mash-up that

allows you to enter multiple destinations and it will spit out a variety of

itineraries. Not that she’d know about this program. But still, I want to see.”

“How do you know all this shit?” I asked.

“Um, reminder: I. Spend. My. Entire. Life. On. Omnictionary. In the

hour between when I got home this morning and when I hurled in the

shower, I completely rewrote the page for the Blue-spotted Anglerfish. I

have a problem. Okay, look at this,” he said. I leaned in and saw several

jagged routes drawn onto a map of the United States. All began in Orlando

and ended in Hollywood, California.

“Maybe she’ll stay in LA?” Radar suggested.

“Maybe,” I said. “There’s no way to tell her route, though.”

“True. Also nothing else points to LA. What she said to Jase points to

New York. The ‘go to the paper towns and never come back’ points to a

nearby pseudovision, it seems. The nail polish also points to maybe her still

being in the area? I’m just saying we can now add the location of the

world’s largest ball of popcorn to our list of possible Margo locales.”

“The traveling would fit with one of the Whitman quotes: ‘I tramp a

perpetual journey.’”

Radar stayed hunched over the computer. I went to sit down on the bed.

“Hey, will you just print out a map of the U.S. so I can plot the points?” I

asked.

“I can just do it online,” he said.

“Yeah, but I want to be able to look at it.” The printer fired up a few

seconds later and I placed the U.S. map next to the one with the

pseudovisions on the wall. I put a tack in for each of the six locations she

(or someone) had marked in the book. I tried to look at them as a

constellation, to see if they formed a shape or a letter—but I couldn’t see

anything. It was a totally random distribution, like she’d blindfolded herself

and thrown darts at the map.

I sighed. “You know what would be nice?” Radar asked. “If we could

find some evidence that she was checking her email or anywhere on the

Internet. I search for her name every day; I’ve got a bot that will alert me if

she ever logs on to Omnictionary with that username. I track IP addresses of

people who search for the phrase ‘paper towns.’ It’s incredibly frustrating.”

“I didn’t know you were doing all that stuff,” I said.

“Yeah, well. Only doing what I’d want someone else to do. I know I

wasn’t friends with her, but she deserves to be found, you know?”

“Unless she doesn’t want to be,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess that’s possible. It’s all still possible.” I nodded. “Yeah, so

—okay,” he said. “Can we brainstorm over video games?”

“I’m not really in the mood.”

“Can we call Ben then?”

“No. Ben’s an asshole.”

Radar looked at me sideways. “Of course he is. You know your

problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves. I mean,

I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never being

interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like,

never asking me about how it’s going with my girlfriend—but I don’t give a

shit, man, because you’re you. My parents have a shit ton of black Santas,

but that’s okay. They’re them. I’m too obsessed with a reference Web site to

answer my phone sometimes when my friends call, or my girlfriend. That’s

okay, too. That’s me. You like me anyway. And I like you. You’re funny,

and you’re smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up

eventually.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t complimenting you. Just saying: stop thinking Ben

should be you, and he needs to stop thinking you should be him, and y’all

just chill the hell out.”

“All right,” I said finally, and called Ben. The news that Radar was over

and wanted to play video games led to a miraculous hangover recovery.

“So,” I said after hanging up. “How’s Angela?”

Radar laughed. “She’s good, man. She’s real good. Thanks for asking.”

“You still a virgin?” I asked.

“I don’t kiss and tell. Although, yes. Oh, and we had our first fight this

morning. We had breakfast at Waffle House, and she was going on about

how awesome the black Santas are, and how my parents are great people for

collecting them because it’s important for us not to presume that everybody

cool in our culture like God and Santa Claus is white, and how the black

Santa empowers the whole African-American community.”

“I actually think I kind of agree with her,” I said.

“Yeah, well, it’s a fine idea, but it happens to be bullshit. They’re not

trying to spread the black Santa gospel. If they were, they’d make black

Santas. Instead, they’re trying to buy the entire world supply. There’s this

old guy in Pittsburgh with the second-biggest collection, and they’re always

trying to buy it off him.”

Ben spoke from the doorway. He’d been there a while, apparently.

“Radar, your failure to bop that lovely honeybunny is the greatest

humanitarian tragedy of our time.”

“What’s up, Ben?” I said.

“Thanks for the ride last night, bro.”